I've been by Alex's bedside all day staring, longing to hold her, waiting for Dr. Handler to make the next move. I watch her try to move her head and she sounds so congested making it difficult to breathe. I get the nurse (again) and ask her to clear her nose, but she says she's tried and until we get her in a different position they can't do much for her. She lets out a cry and her little eye finds me. I tell her her mommy is here and try to comfort her. I'm not able to pick her up and cannot stroke any part of her body as the nurses tell me her skin is sensitive and it may tickle and/or can make them irritated. She's been in the same position since friday afternoon, on her stomach, butt raised.
As I sit in her little room I can't help but worry. Machines are beeping, nurses are coming in and out, tests are being run. I wonder if she's feeling any pain because she looks so uncomfortable. I try to take a nap but any sound Alex makes wakes me.
"Don't worry" I'm told. As a new mother i don't know how to not worry about our precious baby girl. After so many pokes and not being able to hold back my tears, I have to leave the room, go for a walk. It's hard to watch your child go through tough times and feel like you can't do much to alleviate their pain. My heart breaks to think we will go home tonight w/o our little angel. Even though our house is a few miles from the hospital, it seems so far away.
Each day is long and brings so many emotions, tears and an overwhelming happiness from the beautiful Hope God has blessed us with. Just as most parents have promised - yes, we are already sleep deprived. Even though Alex is being cared for in the NICU, I get up every 2-3 hours to pump (sorry guys) and the pain meds i take make me quite tired as well.
Well, Dr. Handler finally showed up this evening and came with good news - Alex is doing well, she can change positions and mom can hold her. Holding our baby girl made everything right again and it was just precious for mom and dad to talk to her and look into her beautiful eyes. She finally seemed at peace and our hearts were calmed - with no worries.
11 comments:
She is so precious! Jenene
Sweet Little One! You are in our prayers - Geppelts (Tulsa)
I read last night about storms in life and how God wants to "walk on the waters" of each and every one of our storms, just as He walked on the water for the diciples, proving to them that faith can accomplish impossible things (John 6:16-24). My prayer for you today is that you can see and feel God walking on the waters of your storm, knowing that He is the peace that passes all understanding. As I was going to sleep last night I was praying for you guys and realized what a powerful story Alex, and you both, are sharing with the world about faith, hope, love, and the promise we have in Christ. She is such a tiny, tiny vessel for such a big, big message. Much love to you today, may you see Him "walking on water".
claire
I got to work this morning, anxious to come to the blog. As I read this one, my heart broke a little more :( It kills me to know you are feeling this way. When you hurt, I hurt. One good thing that will come out of this is your family will be very stong and united. You all have touched so many lives already so imagine how many you will touch over her lifetime! Anyway, I would love to see her tonight and you two as well. ttyl. love you all!
~Auntie Natalie
Hi Guys,
I'm thinking of you and praying for you and Hope! Again, she is just beautiful! Love seeing the photos!
Hang in there. I check the blog every few hours so please know that I am with you. If you need anything, anything at all know that you are surrounded by friends and family that can pitch in....love you guys! I'm praying for you!
Hugs Hugs Hugs and more hugs!
Ann
I miss you, Nic.
Praying for you today (Jimmy and Alex too). I'm with Natalie...checking the blog first thing when I get to work. PLEASE call me if you need anything - dinner, coffee, bathroom cleaned, whatever!
Love, Cat
Jimmy and Nicole,
I didn't know you had a scheduled delivery last week but God put you on my mind. Casey and I were away for the weekend and I kept thinking of you both and sending up prayers for you. I even told Casey about it and that I expected to find out that you had had your baby when we got back into town. It's just a very tiny example of how God provides. The Holy Spirit told me to pray and I did. God will continue to provide for your every need. Keep sending the wonderful pics!
Love in Christ,
Shannon Cupp
Nic, I remember having many conversations with you about having children and I would joke around with you, "Once you have a kid you will never sleep again". And we would laugh and talk some more about babies and sleep deprivation. And we did not have this in mind. But I feel so inspired by the words you and Jimmy have shared, that I can only feel optimism in my heart. Hope.
The Lord is here every single step of the way. I named my son Ishmael for one reason- because Ishmael means “God listens”. That is peace. He is listening.
She looks like Jimmy...sorry Nicole! Not that I can possibly relate to what you are going through, but I did want to tell you that when Reagan was born she wouldn't eat at all.. she slept through all of her feedings or if she would even start to eat she would pass out again during. She dropped alot of weight and they had to give her formula from a tube. She turned out to be fine-just a heavy sleeper maybe and she still is (huge blessing). I know this can not compare to your situation but I thought it might make you feel even a tiny bit better. I am awful at asking for help..I have just recently gotten better at it out of sheer necessity. Please please please don't hesitate to hit us up for anything..and we mean anything.
Thinking of and prayiing for you,
Sarah James and Reagan Calliham
congrad. TO THE BOTH OF YOU, THE LORD IS STILL WORKING MIRICALS,JUST KEEP THE FAITH AND KNOW THAT HE WILL PERFORM HIS WORD.LOVE,PRAYERS,AND BLESSINGS.
I remember when I first read this... Oh The Tears! I went back to the prayer time with God right away for each of you! It was a call to battle!
...in his favour is life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy(singing) cometh in the morning.
Psalm 30:5 KJV
You're a Trooper (In this battle)!
I Love you!
Sheri
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