1st night at home away from Alex, and our faith journey

We're okay. Of course it's difficult being away from her, but we're seeing that our faith is carrying us much further than we ever could've imagined. Claire's comment (click here to see it) inspired me to share a bit about our faith journey.

Maybe a month ago, Nic & I went through the Bible in search of words of encouragement. She was feeling especially weak, and questioning so many things. We had just come back from possibly our worst doctor's visit yet. The doc was doing an ultrasound, and he sounded concerned. We've sensed that concern before in him, and we knew that "I'll talk to you in a minute about what this means" already meant something terrible - and our hearts dropped. Tears fell. He looked a bit more, then told us that he saw some things that made him worry about whether her SB was much more serious than we'd previously thought. That it could be a chromosomal problem.

We'd gone over this possibility (in detail) months earlier with a genetic counselor, and chromosomal abnormalities usually mean the baby doesn't survive. The only way to test for this is by doing an amniocentesis, which has inherent risks in itself. But it didn't seem likely at that time, so we decided to lean on our wobbly faith and forego the amnio.

Now that the concerned doc was reviving the issue as a reality, we were brought to our knees. It was a real possibility that our girl wouldn't survive, and it was in our best interests to have the amnio, since if it was chromosomal we would likely not need the caesarean - that surgery would be an unnecessary risk to Mom. All the hope & faith we had was now brought into question. We couldn't imagine switching gears to go back to a natural birth in order to "cut our losses."

The amnio was recommended to take place that afternoon, and Nic & I had to take a walk. We could not possibly sit in that hospital exam room any longer. So many terrible memories. So much bad news. So we got some air, prayed, and came back for the amnio. Test results could take up to a week to come back. It's this kind of thing that sends one into depression. We needed patience that does not come from within, because we were hanging from a thread.

We needed more faith, so we turned to the Bible for something to grasp onto. We found Luke 17:6. It helped a little. Luke 8:22-25 we could relate to. Job 2:8-10 was hitting home. And Mark 9:17-29 led us to call on God in prayer, because some things are only possible through prayer.

We're not "holy" people with a divine wisdom for finding passages in the Bible to get us through every situation. We simply needed God, and asked him for answers. It wasn't that He literally spoke to us or shined a light on the right passage. It was more practical: we looked up "faith" in the index of our Application Study Bible (a great book for those who don't know he Bible well). Then we read the relevant passages (in context) and read the footnotes explaining the verses. It was very methodical.

Then we prayed. I won't go into exactly what we prayed, because it really doesn't matter. What does matter is how we prayed. Honestly, and from the heart. The way I believe God wants us to.

So many people on here tell us how strong we are, and what great parents we will be. We thank you for your kind words, but humbly give all the credit to God. In all of this, we have sought Him for guidance, and he has made our relationship what it is today. When we were married we promised to be a light to others, and we never forget about that. It's part of our every prayer. We know this light shines bright, because God so graciously continues to answer our prayers. We simply cannot wait to include our baby Alex in this circle of light.