Sing the "Applesauce" song

Applesauce, applesauce. Made for a rhinoceros.

Applesauce, applesauce - do not put it in your schnauze.

Applesauce, applesauce. Sell it for a really good cause

But what I love about applesauce...is that it tastes delicious.

Alex loves the applesauce song...it's probably her favorite (right now). Of course it's just something I made up when she was eating applesauce one day. She has a tendency to request that I sing the "[random object] song" and I have to make up a song about it on the spot. But Applesauce was a hit, and has since been the most requested song. I even came up with a second verse, which was actually much better than the first, but I can't remember it for the life of me.

Then there's the game of "backwards/forwards." If you've been around her at all in the last several months, you've undoubtedly been sucked into this one. She says "I want it please" (like she starts every conversation) then "go backwards." I believe Marissa (her sitter) started it by walking backwards and pretending to collide with whatever was behind her. Alex cracked up, and naturally requested "go forward," and Marissa obliged. Then came "fall down" (among other commands). I'm not sure what it is about this simple game that Alex loves so much. Always the overanalyzer, I'm thinking it stems from her lack of physical control over her own body. So she gets a kick out of being able to pull other people's strings until they crash into the wall or floor. The game spread quickly, and her Nana added the effect of counting backwards and forward while marching (always an educational component in this household). Alex never tires of it, and the ones who indulge her the most - quickly move the top of her favorite people list.

I'm sure every parent has similar games they play with their children. The toughest part of this hospital stay is that Alex can't talk, which means no requests for silly games or songs. I still try doing them for her, but unprompted it's just not the same. And she can't laugh, so it's entirely anticlimactic when I finish performing. I'm sure she enjoys it, but the only thing I interpret from the look in her eyes is "I want this tube out of my throat." Sorry, baby. Just a little longer.

The question on everyone's mind is how much longer? The good news is that she is making progress now. They're slowly dialing down the ventilator settings so Alex is doing more of the breathing, and she's tolerating it well. The bad news is that it's a very slow process and it's not likely that we'll be out of here before Christmas. And since kids aren't allowed to visit the ICU it's pretty much guaranteed that the family won't be together this year. So this is def one of those years we're left pondering the "real meaning of Christmas." Which in and of itself is a good thing. It seems like its a lot easier to shift our focus from the commercialization of the holiday to what's really most important.

I want to say that we're a strong family and will get through this just like anything else, but it's really tough right now. We are strong, and don't fish for sympathy. We want to be that family that inspires other people to be better, stronger, and not take anything for granted. But to be honest, we can't always just be strong. We have our faith, and with so many of your prayers we know we'll get through this (thank you). But our state-of-mind isn't the greatest right now. It's one thing to go through all this as a family like we have so many times in the past. But right now we're split up, physically. Ryan+parent at home and Alex+other parent at the hospital. We've been juggling it, with help from Cat and Kathleen, but it's taking its toll. And it's likely going to get worse as Alex is less medicated. I don't know what the solution is, but I pray it gets better.